Tuesday, June 02, 2015
My last post was in October of last year and at that time I had no idea that I was already expecting a sweet little baby. Eugene and I wanted a child so badly, but had come to the conclusion that we would most likely be unable to conceive and surprise, we were wrong. After a long battle with cancer we had our dog Angel put to sleep on Halloween of last year and the following Wednesday I found out that I am expecting. The pregnancy has flown by so far and now we're in the home stretch. There's a big part of me that wants him to come today and another part of me that would be OK with waiting awhile longer. I'm excited, nervous, and just don't know what to think.
Sunday, October 05, 2014
October 3rd, 2014
(So, it's not October 3rd...The thought was there, the action was not)
I will open this blog by telling you of my current surroundings. I am sitting in my, otherwise vacant, living room. Fuzz, my very large cat, is sitting to my left and Captain, my very old dog, is sitting to my right. I should have no worries, I am safe and sound. Yet, I sit here and find myself uncertain of the future. I have so many worries that, as a Christian, I feel ashamed. I make every effort to be encouraging to others and yet I find little motivation to be encouraging to myself. I feel as though I missed a chapter in my book and it has since become impossible to turn the pages back.
It has been a year since I've done a full update so, I will do my best to divulge. I am still enrolled in college and I'm hoping to graduate next year. After that, who knows what will happen. Eugene and I will be celebrating our third wedding anniversary on the 21st, still no children. For my anniversary gift, he is purchasing annual passes to Disney (he's not very good at keeping a secret). For his gift, I bought a very nice study bible and had it personalized with his name. It's beautiful and it keeps with the tradition of giving something leather for the third wedding anniversary. I'm shocked that he did not keep with this tradition as, he is the one that has taught me everything I know about this junk.
My sister [Sarah] moved to Florida with my nieces [Marian and Kaytlin]. This has been a blessing in the wake of a sadness. Unfortunately, Sarah's marriage of 13 years was dissolved for several reasons that I will not list. I will say that the dissolution of any marriage is a tragedy in that, it was at one point unexpected and unwanted. Regardless of the circumstances, I am appreciative of the opportunity to be a part of Sarah's and the girls' lives.
In light of Sarah moving in with our mother, April is moving in with Eugene and I. Today, she began prepping her new bedroom for a fresh paint job. April will be bringing Cat (that's his actual name) with her, making our grand total of cats, in the Cusie (& Frazier) household, 4! Four cats and three dogs...
My mother is in good health, she is a blessing each and everyday. I understand that losing a parent is difficult and letting her go, when her time eventually comes, will be devastating. So, I thank God everyday that I can call her or see her whenever I want to.
I will open this blog by telling you of my current surroundings. I am sitting in my, otherwise vacant, living room. Fuzz, my very large cat, is sitting to my left and Captain, my very old dog, is sitting to my right. I should have no worries, I am safe and sound. Yet, I sit here and find myself uncertain of the future. I have so many worries that, as a Christian, I feel ashamed. I make every effort to be encouraging to others and yet I find little motivation to be encouraging to myself. I feel as though I missed a chapter in my book and it has since become impossible to turn the pages back.
It has been a year since I've done a full update so, I will do my best to divulge. I am still enrolled in college and I'm hoping to graduate next year. After that, who knows what will happen. Eugene and I will be celebrating our third wedding anniversary on the 21st, still no children. For my anniversary gift, he is purchasing annual passes to Disney (he's not very good at keeping a secret). For his gift, I bought a very nice study bible and had it personalized with his name. It's beautiful and it keeps with the tradition of giving something leather for the third wedding anniversary. I'm shocked that he did not keep with this tradition as, he is the one that has taught me everything I know about this junk.
My sister [Sarah] moved to Florida with my nieces [Marian and Kaytlin]. This has been a blessing in the wake of a sadness. Unfortunately, Sarah's marriage of 13 years was dissolved for several reasons that I will not list. I will say that the dissolution of any marriage is a tragedy in that, it was at one point unexpected and unwanted. Regardless of the circumstances, I am appreciative of the opportunity to be a part of Sarah's and the girls' lives.
In light of Sarah moving in with our mother, April is moving in with Eugene and I. Today, she began prepping her new bedroom for a fresh paint job. April will be bringing Cat (that's his actual name) with her, making our grand total of cats, in the Cusie (& Frazier) household, 4! Four cats and three dogs...
My mother is in good health, she is a blessing each and everyday. I understand that losing a parent is difficult and letting her go, when her time eventually comes, will be devastating. So, I thank God everyday that I can call her or see her whenever I want to.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Leafs, Branches, and Roots
I was talking to my sister about an old friend and she really made me think. She directed me to a clip from the play Madea Goes To Jail. The quote she was referencing is as follows:
" I put everybody that come in my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. If the wind blows, they're over here, they're unstable. Blow the other way, they're over here. if seasons change, they wither and die, they're gone. But that's alright, that's some people. Most people in the world are like that. They're just there to take from the tree, they ain't there to do nothing but take and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at people like that, that's who they are. They ain't never gonna be nothing, that's what they put on this earth for, to be what they are: A LEAF. Some people are like a branch on that tree. You gotta be careful with them branches too because they'll fool you. They'll get there and make you think that they're a good friend and they're real strong. But the minute you step out there on them, they'll break and they'll leave you high and dry. But if you find two or three people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed because they're the kind of people who ain't going nowhere. They ain't worried about being seen, don't nobody have to know that they know you, they ain't got to know what they're doing for you. But if those roots weren't there, that tree couldn't live, you understand? A tree can have a hundred million branches but only a few roots down at the bottom to make sure it gets everything they need. I'm telling you, Sonny, when you get you some roots, you better hold on to them because the rest of them, you let them go. Let folks go!"
Basically it boils done to the fact that I loved this guy, we were really close. We were never more than friends but, I really cared about him. Looking back I have no idea what we had in common, he listened to crazy people music (Megadeath, Metallica, etc), he loved the Simpsons and American Dad, and at that time he was the [most unconventionally] coolest guy I had ever known. He listened to me, not because I'm a girl but, because he loved me too. I don't know what happened, I really don't and it breaks my heart. He gave the best dating advise and always seemed to be in my corner and now I don't even know where he lives. I heard he's engaged to be married but he deleted his Facebook so I can't even fully verify that information. I feel like screaming at him, he would expect that...or maybe not since I don't know him anymore. I guess he was a branch.
" I put everybody that come in my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. If the wind blows, they're over here, they're unstable. Blow the other way, they're over here. if seasons change, they wither and die, they're gone. But that's alright, that's some people. Most people in the world are like that. They're just there to take from the tree, they ain't there to do nothing but take and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at people like that, that's who they are. They ain't never gonna be nothing, that's what they put on this earth for, to be what they are: A LEAF. Some people are like a branch on that tree. You gotta be careful with them branches too because they'll fool you. They'll get there and make you think that they're a good friend and they're real strong. But the minute you step out there on them, they'll break and they'll leave you high and dry. But if you find two or three people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed because they're the kind of people who ain't going nowhere. They ain't worried about being seen, don't nobody have to know that they know you, they ain't got to know what they're doing for you. But if those roots weren't there, that tree couldn't live, you understand? A tree can have a hundred million branches but only a few roots down at the bottom to make sure it gets everything they need. I'm telling you, Sonny, when you get you some roots, you better hold on to them because the rest of them, you let them go. Let folks go!"
Basically it boils done to the fact that I loved this guy, we were really close. We were never more than friends but, I really cared about him. Looking back I have no idea what we had in common, he listened to crazy people music (Megadeath, Metallica, etc), he loved the Simpsons and American Dad, and at that time he was the [most unconventionally] coolest guy I had ever known. He listened to me, not because I'm a girl but, because he loved me too. I don't know what happened, I really don't and it breaks my heart. He gave the best dating advise and always seemed to be in my corner and now I don't even know where he lives. I heard he's engaged to be married but he deleted his Facebook so I can't even fully verify that information. I feel like screaming at him, he would expect that...or maybe not since I don't know him anymore. I guess he was a branch.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
October 3rd, 2013
These are sno-balls from Treasure Island and the after effects of Eugene's :)
This was taken while waiting to go on what was quiet possibly the worst "Ghost Tour" ever. It was more like an inaccurate history lesson and we bailed 25 minutes in. A waste of $30 dollars but, at least we saved ourselves 2 additional hours of torture because after grabbing some pizza and window shopping we ran into our(small) tour group twice! (awkward!)
But we're jumping ahead a bit and this is a yearly update. To start with, last year we spent Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house in Leesburg with family. It was really nice. Tavie had a Christmas Shindig at her home in Oxford which was nice as well! (see turkey and tree below :)
"I have no more food!!"
"I can has turkey??"
Not so successful...
Let's try that again!..(Happy Thanksgiving 2012, y'all!)
Then, of course came, Christmas!
Yes, it was crooked.
Then came Valentine's Day
And The Strawberry Festival With Abby! (it was a long day!)
Also Around this time Eugene started making some BIG changes. He took to bicycle riding! He's lost a lot of weight!
(Christmas 2011)
August 13'
Then came March of 2013...It was a dark time...of facial reconstruction for me
Taken on DOS 3-18-13
 |
| 3-19-13 |
 |
| 3-20-13 |
 |
| 3-20-13 |
 |
| 3-20-13 GOING HOME!!!! |
 |
| 3-21-13 |
 |
| 3-21-13 with a little makeup to help things |
 |
4/7/13 starting to see a big difference (skipping ahead a bit b/c I took multiple pictures per day during recovery)  (courtesy of Eugene :) This is going to wrap up part 1 of my yearly update, This being the first time I've done a photo update I had no idea how long it takes to upload pictures! Holy cow!! I will finish this tomorrow! |
Sunday, August 04, 2013
Dealings
A young man went out to talk to the devil, by which God wasn't concerned.
For when the devil has nothing but loss, God has nothing but earn.
and so, the boy cried Satan's name
he prayed for money, fortune, and fame.
Lucifer laughed and asked, "are you sure?"
"Is this what you want? no less no more?"
The boy pleaded, "Yes, please oblige!"
With that the Devil agreed and altered his life.
The boy awoke the next day yet, now a man.
To his left he wore a gold wedding band.
The man's body ached with age
His skin was grey, and worn with fade.
He looked to his right to see a beautiful young bride
lying in wait by his side.
The man stood to his feet to walk to a mirror
Much to his grief the picture was clearer
For with this wish came a price...
60 years of his life.
He went to his wife and begged for reason
She said his fortune and fame were results of treason
He cried, now to God, and asked, "how can this be true?"
For which God replied, "Ask not me but yet, you!"
The man emptied his bank account and gave to the poor.
He divorced his wife and gave her but, more.
He sold his home to the homeless for nothing more than a smile
Then he sat on a curb and thought for awhile
"I made a deal once" he thought, "how about another..."
He cried out, "Dear Lord what have I to offer?"
With that God laughed and said, "Son, please.."
"What have you ever known me to ask of thee?"
For when the devil has nothing but loss, God has nothing but earn.
and so, the boy cried Satan's name
he prayed for money, fortune, and fame.
Lucifer laughed and asked, "are you sure?"
"Is this what you want? no less no more?"
The boy pleaded, "Yes, please oblige!"
With that the Devil agreed and altered his life.
The boy awoke the next day yet, now a man.
To his left he wore a gold wedding band.
The man's body ached with age
His skin was grey, and worn with fade.
He looked to his right to see a beautiful young bride
lying in wait by his side.
The man stood to his feet to walk to a mirror
Much to his grief the picture was clearer
For with this wish came a price...
60 years of his life.
He went to his wife and begged for reason
She said his fortune and fame were results of treason
He cried, now to God, and asked, "how can this be true?"
For which God replied, "Ask not me but yet, you!"
The man emptied his bank account and gave to the poor.
He divorced his wife and gave her but, more.
He sold his home to the homeless for nothing more than a smile
Then he sat on a curb and thought for awhile
"I made a deal once" he thought, "how about another..."
He cried out, "Dear Lord what have I to offer?"
With that God laughed and said, "Son, please.."
"What have you ever known me to ask of thee?"
Wednesday, June 05, 2013
Lifeboat
You're only as old as you feel, they say,
So tonight I feel 99.
My eyes are so heavy that I dare not speak
for fear that yours will peak.
You wrap me in your arms so limitless
like you know I'll never leave
I grasp at the breath leaving my cheeks
like I know I'll never breathe
Come again towards my ears as you speak so sweet
let me hear your strawberry words
call my name in the night like the ocean, so deep.
hold me high but tight like a bird
Reach for my hands as they grasp for the void
completely inept at all hope
you're rushing towards my heart at full speed
your touch is my lifeboat
So tonight I feel 99.
My eyes are so heavy that I dare not speak
for fear that yours will peak.
You wrap me in your arms so limitless
like you know I'll never leave
I grasp at the breath leaving my cheeks
like I know I'll never breathe
Come again towards my ears as you speak so sweet
let me hear your strawberry words
call my name in the night like the ocean, so deep.
hold me high but tight like a bird
Reach for my hands as they grasp for the void
completely inept at all hope
you're rushing towards my heart at full speed
your touch is my lifeboat
My week with Amanda
This week Amanda is down from Dixie county to spend the week with Eugene and I. It has been awesome so far. It's nice having an extra person in the house and Eugene seems to enjoy the extra company as well. To top things off my AMAZING boss Amy gave me the week off. She asked if I wanted it off and then just gave it to me...WHAT??!? I couldn't believe it. I feel truly blessed! I was planning on flying to Montana and driving down with Sarah but due to unforeseen circumstances The trip has been canceled. However, mom is flying up next month (July) to see Sarah and the girls!
Tomorrow Eugene is taking Amanda out bike riding. more power to them. I'm just going to sleep in :)
Goodnight!!
Tomorrow Eugene is taking Amanda out bike riding. more power to them. I'm just going to sleep in :)
Goodnight!!
Sunday, March 03, 2013
So this is Wife
Okay, everything I said about having a baby, I take back. The last couple of weeks have been a huge wake up call. I feel like I've been tested in every way, shape, and form. There is no way that I can have a child, be in school, work a fulltime job, AND be a good wife. NO. FRIGGIN. WAY.
I'm glad that I'm finally continuing my education, I'm stoked to have a job that I love, and I know that there is no one in this world that I would rather be in love with (which is scary because sometimes I think I could smother him with the damn pillow he sleeps with). I'm happy I really am, but holy crap I am exhausted. I feel like I never stop moving!!! The fact that I have 15 minutes to blog is crazy to me and in reality I have a butt ton of other things I could be doing (folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, studying for my bio midterm, fixing the nail polish on my toenails, finalizing our monthly budget for this year, rearranging the bedroom like I've wanted to for 8 months, cleaning the bathroom, studying for my math exam tomorrow, I mean really...). One area that I would particularly like to focus on is my marriage. I sincerely try to be a good wife. I don't notice other men's looks, I try my hardest to keep a clean house, I definitely give this man enough sex, I constantly boost his ego with compliments, all while working 32 hours per week and taking a full course load at school two counties away. I'm sincerely trying. Failure is not an option therefore divorce is not an option (not that I've reached that point, by any means). It's just that; these days with everything else I have going on I feel like no matter what I do, it's not enough to make both of us happy. I know he's trying too, but sometimes it feels like he doesn't see how hard I'm working at this. We're arguing a lot and that gets you no where, it just makes me even more exhausted and that makes me even more irritable . How can you be so in love and so ready to run away all at the same time? As much as I hate to admit it this is a question I've asked myself a hundred times this week already. I babysat for my associate pastor and his wife yesterday. They have 2 young children and a baby. I think I did pretty well but I didn't get any homework done because I was so afraid that something would happen with one of the kids and I wouldn't have been paying attention. That being said, I looked away for 15 seconds and their daughter(4 years old) apparently fell off of something in the back yard and scraped the underside of her arm and her little pink cast(from breaking her finger a couple of days ago) fell off. I could have died! all I could think was, "how am I going to explain this?!? they're going to think I was ignoring her or neglecting her!" . They were pretty awesome about the whole thing though and understood that stuff happens. I guess that comes with being a parent, I don't know. What I do know is, I'm not ready to be a parent. I love kids but I have enough responsibility right now. I know I'll thank myself when I'm done with school, so until then I'm perfectly happy raising my 28 year old and taking care of just the 2 of us. Being a wife is much more of a responsibility than I thought it was before I met Eugene, it REQUIRES work. Some of the arguments he and I have been in would have ended a relationship if we had just been dating whereas with marriage (and divorce not being an option, as for mentioned) there is no breaking up over what really is something petty that just blew up. I think that's one of the major points of getting married, finding the person that no matter how bad, in the moment, you want to break up...you know that in a few minutes, or hours, or (yes, sometimes) days you'll be crazy about again and you never want the option of simply walking away. I know that no one could ever love me the way my husband does. He genuinely takes care of me. He busts his butt to pay bills and provide extra money so that we can do things like going out to eat or going to the movies and is also in school part time. He'll be the first one to jump up to make me a cup of coffee and he knows exactly how I take it. He's the best thing that I've found in my little life and I wouldn't give him up for anything...I just might lock him in the closet one day though ;)
I'm glad that I'm finally continuing my education, I'm stoked to have a job that I love, and I know that there is no one in this world that I would rather be in love with (which is scary because sometimes I think I could smother him with the damn pillow he sleeps with). I'm happy I really am, but holy crap I am exhausted. I feel like I never stop moving!!! The fact that I have 15 minutes to blog is crazy to me and in reality I have a butt ton of other things I could be doing (folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, studying for my bio midterm, fixing the nail polish on my toenails, finalizing our monthly budget for this year, rearranging the bedroom like I've wanted to for 8 months, cleaning the bathroom, studying for my math exam tomorrow, I mean really...). One area that I would particularly like to focus on is my marriage. I sincerely try to be a good wife. I don't notice other men's looks, I try my hardest to keep a clean house, I definitely give this man enough sex, I constantly boost his ego with compliments, all while working 32 hours per week and taking a full course load at school two counties away. I'm sincerely trying. Failure is not an option therefore divorce is not an option (not that I've reached that point, by any means). It's just that; these days with everything else I have going on I feel like no matter what I do, it's not enough to make both of us happy. I know he's trying too, but sometimes it feels like he doesn't see how hard I'm working at this. We're arguing a lot and that gets you no where, it just makes me even more exhausted and that makes me even more irritable . How can you be so in love and so ready to run away all at the same time? As much as I hate to admit it this is a question I've asked myself a hundred times this week already. I babysat for my associate pastor and his wife yesterday. They have 2 young children and a baby. I think I did pretty well but I didn't get any homework done because I was so afraid that something would happen with one of the kids and I wouldn't have been paying attention. That being said, I looked away for 15 seconds and their daughter(4 years old) apparently fell off of something in the back yard and scraped the underside of her arm and her little pink cast(from breaking her finger a couple of days ago) fell off. I could have died! all I could think was, "how am I going to explain this?!? they're going to think I was ignoring her or neglecting her!" . They were pretty awesome about the whole thing though and understood that stuff happens. I guess that comes with being a parent, I don't know. What I do know is, I'm not ready to be a parent. I love kids but I have enough responsibility right now. I know I'll thank myself when I'm done with school, so until then I'm perfectly happy raising my 28 year old and taking care of just the 2 of us. Being a wife is much more of a responsibility than I thought it was before I met Eugene, it REQUIRES work. Some of the arguments he and I have been in would have ended a relationship if we had just been dating whereas with marriage (and divorce not being an option, as for mentioned) there is no breaking up over what really is something petty that just blew up. I think that's one of the major points of getting married, finding the person that no matter how bad, in the moment, you want to break up...you know that in a few minutes, or hours, or (yes, sometimes) days you'll be crazy about again and you never want the option of simply walking away. I know that no one could ever love me the way my husband does. He genuinely takes care of me. He busts his butt to pay bills and provide extra money so that we can do things like going out to eat or going to the movies and is also in school part time. He'll be the first one to jump up to make me a cup of coffee and he knows exactly how I take it. He's the best thing that I've found in my little life and I wouldn't give him up for anything...I just might lock him in the closet one day though ;)
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