hit me with your best shot

So here we go again, another year and the same old hopes and wishes. Right now i just want everyone to shut up for five minutes. People arguing over stupid shit. it makes me just want to yell stfu.

She only smiles when she's sleeping
but she can't cry when she's awake
Her pseudo smile is fleeting
Everything about her is fake.

Her walls crumble down
Her windows shatter
Her heart hits the ground
Nothing seems to matter

No one can read her face now
Her soul is hers to know
She'll never know how
To just let him go

The world is at a stand still
She runs and then leaps
Her tears are falling slower than she is
The cliff is so steap

Death won't end her journey
Not with falling this way
downward, now faster
the ground dissipates

solutions

Maybe it doesn't have to be complicated. Flip a coin or just close your eyes and be selfish. Who is going to be there for YOU? Who do you see when the lights are out? Maybe you're already subconsciously being selfish. What if the one door you want to open back up has already shut and locked itself and the doorway you're standing in leads you somewhere that makes you happy but it doesn't lead you to your everything. If you step away this door will shut also and who's to say you'll get back into it and when you step towards the other door who's to say it will unlock and what if you lose both opportunities. So instead you provide self-insurance and remain standing, blocking the second door from shutting and leaving the first door shut and secluded. You worry about neglecting the very territory that you're simply gazing at while a whole new adventure slowly slips. The longer you wait the worse things get and slowly you don't want to choose. You want this to be over with, some one to choose for you but no one's choices make you happy now. Some one will be hurt, yes. It's part of life dear, we've all hurt. You know this all too well. This is what's stopping you then? To put onto some one what you've felt is too much. You and i both know that sooner or later that time will come so think about when it will hurt less. Now...or later? I've been some one's first door. It hurts a lot less earlier on and you'll win back the key to door two, promise. It will just take a little work which we both know you'll do regardless. Good luck my friend.

that laugh that wrinkles your nose it touches my foolish heart

Thanks again, I saw him and i know how blessed I am.

I know now where I went wrong with you. I chose you.
It's good though. You've done me the biggest favor that anyone ever could. Yes, you.
You've made me appreciate every good man I have or will ever have in my life. Oh, you've also made them easier to spot. So, they may not always say the right things. They may not always do the right things either. You always made it seem like you were saying and doing the right things though. You weren't. As for charm, it's over rated. Stability however, is not. When things get rough you lose your charm but stability was never a part of your life to begin with. So, when your charm is no where to be seen you have nothing else to show, not even sanity for that matter. Which is understandable considering your "mild" drug use . Even with all things considered I still appreciate you...maybe I'm just that crazy. You are exactly what I do not want in a relationship(of any kind), but with you I proved something to myself and you completely changed me as a human. I fell pretty hard for you even thought i knew your faults up front, I still saw the good in you. Don't be flattered please, i do this with everyone. I told you things about me, my past, my family that i had never told anyone else and i trusted you because i assumed that some one that treated themselves the way you did had been through some bad stuff. You grew up in the effing burbs...I'm so sorry about your luck.

maybe it was a premonition...

What a raging idiot! I'm sick of all of this. end.

Maybe it was empathy.

Call it sympathy
It's not about the past anymore
Maybe empathy
The barrel's loaded at your bedroom door


Excuses flow like water from your blank expression
making this right isn't an option
She's not me, I'm not bad at first impressions


I hold the floors attention
not a word is spoken now
I'm sure you had the best of intentions
but I can't imagine how


I want to hear her side of this
but I wish she wouldn't speak.
her eyes show me your last kiss
yours show me that you're weak


To resist would not have killed you
now I think I might
I've thought about losing you
but you're not worth a fight


So now I'll simply walk away
from every option I've gone over
To kill you now is a waste of time
I'd rather watch you suffer


I've left you now, she'll leave you soon, and every woman after.
You'll never know what real love is
you are your own disaster.

I chose the pain

Even Idle faith has been lost
Beneath the lies of staged love songs
Among the pain and nervousness
Lay the depth of tormenting stress

Why can’t I trust the lives of others?
It’s your fault this verdict hovers
I count the days, same date next year.
Coincidence? I think not, dear.

They may not lie but I’ll never know.
On my sleeve, my hatred shows.
Where my heart once skipped a beat,
Down my arm temptations bleed.

To do what one will soon regret.
Give in to love. No not again.
For to you I gave my all.
For the next I refuse to fall

Let them hurt it’s passed my turn
In the end there’s nothing learned
I tried to play the helpless victim to your lies
but my time with you was suicide

Life

Life changes so fast. I've found that it's something that I can no longer control. I'm trying to stay positive but things keep bringing me down. I think I'm keeping a pretty positive outlook though.

bea

She only smiles when she's sleeping
but she can't cry when she's awake
Her pseudo smile is fleeting
Everything about her is fake.

Her walls crumble down
Her windows shatter
Her heart hits the ground
Nothing seems to matter

No one can read her face now
Her soul is hers to know
She'll never know how
To just let him go
(I'll finish this later : ) )

Tattoo...woohoo

Wednesday is Valentine's day and because it is Wednesday I have plans. Note; not because it is valentine's day but because it is Wednesday..I have plans. Wednesdays are my days off and every Wednesday for the past few weeks I've been going to starbucks with Nick (and on occasion other friends). Angel and I have dinner plans that we made before I realized it was Valentine's day but now I'm glad, who better to spend Valentine's day with than two of my best friends. S o, after dinner Angel and I will be going to get my tattoo, or that's the plan anyway. I'm excited but scared at the same time. It's not the pain that scares me- I think I can handle it. It's the fact that this is something that I'll never be able to get rid of. I'll be getting it in the center of my back : )

Did I really come up with that name?

Point- Blank. I don't remember if I thought of that or not- but it's pretty stinking awesome.

First

Okay, So I have no idea what I'm doing. I had never even heard of this site until a friend showed me hers. I'll try to keep my blog updated but between xanga, myspace, and facebook... it's gonna get hard.