October 3rd, 2013

I know this is late. Later than usual, even. At least I'm getting this in before the end of the month.  Eugene and I just celebrated our second wedding anniversary. We drove to Treasure Island on Saturday morning and then to St Augustine on Sunday. It would have been more fun if I hadn't been sick Saturday morning.

These are sno-balls from Treasure Island and the after effects of Eugene's :)

 This was taken while waiting to go on what was quiet possibly the worst "Ghost Tour" ever.  It was more like an inaccurate history lesson and we bailed 25 minutes in.  A waste of $30 dollars but, at least we saved ourselves 2 additional hours of torture because after grabbing some pizza and window shopping we ran into our(small) tour group twice! (awkward!) 

But we're jumping ahead a bit and this is a yearly update.  To start with, last year we spent Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house in Leesburg with family.  It was really nice.  Tavie had a Christmas Shindig at her home in Oxford which was nice as well! (see turkey and tree below :)

                                                       "I have no more food!!"

"I can has turkey??"

Not so successful...

Let's try that again!..(Happy Thanksgiving 2012, y'all!)

Then, of course came, Christmas!

 Yes, it was crooked.

Then came Valentine's Day

 And The Strawberry Festival With Abby! (it was a long day!)

Also Around this time Eugene started making some BIG changes. He took to bicycle riding! He's lost a lot of weight!

(Christmas 2011)

August 13'

Then came March of 2013...It was a dark time...of facial reconstruction for me

Taken on DOS 3-18-13

3-19-13

3-20-13

3-20-13

3-20-13 GOING HOME!!!!

3-21-13

3-21-13 with a little makeup to help things

4/7/13 starting to see a big difference (skipping ahead a bit b/c I took multiple pictures per day during recovery) 

After                Before
(courtesy of Eugene :)

This is going to wrap up part 1 of my yearly update, This being the first time I've done a photo update I had no idea how long it takes to upload pictures! Holy cow!! I will finish this tomorrow! 

Dealings

A young man went out to talk to the devil, by which God wasn't concerned.
For when the devil has nothing but loss, God has nothing but earn.
and so, the boy cried Satan's name
he prayed for money, fortune, and fame.
Lucifer laughed and asked, "are you sure?"
"Is this what you want? no less no more?"
The boy pleaded, "Yes, please oblige!"
With that the Devil agreed and altered his life.
The boy awoke the next day yet, now a man.
To his left he wore a gold wedding band.
The man's body ached with age
His skin was grey, and worn with fade.
He looked to his right to see a beautiful young bride
lying in wait by his side.
The man stood to his feet to walk to a mirror
Much to his grief the picture was clearer
For with this wish came a price...
60 years of his life.
He went to his wife and begged for reason
She said his fortune and fame were results of treason
He cried, now to God, and asked, "how can this be true?"
For which God replied, "Ask not me but yet, you!"
The man emptied his bank account and gave to the poor.
He divorced his wife and gave her but, more.
He sold his home to the homeless for nothing more than a smile
Then he sat on a curb and thought for awhile
"I made a deal once" he thought, "how about another..."
He cried out, "Dear Lord what have I to offer?"
With that God laughed and said, "Son, please.."
"What have you ever known me to ask of thee?"

Lifeboat

You're only as old as you feel, they say,
So tonight I feel 99.
My eyes are so heavy that I dare not speak
for fear that yours will peak.

You wrap me in your arms so limitless
like you know I'll never leave
I grasp at the breath leaving my cheeks
like I know I'll never breathe

Come again towards my ears as you speak so sweet
let me hear your strawberry words
call my name in the night like the ocean, so deep.
hold me high but tight like a bird

Reach for my hands as they grasp for the void
completely inept at all hope
you're rushing towards my heart at full speed
your touch is my lifeboat

My week with Amanda

This  week Amanda is down from Dixie county to spend the week with Eugene and I. It has been awesome so far.  It's nice having an extra person in the house and Eugene seems to enjoy the extra company as well.  To top things off my AMAZING boss Amy gave me the week off.  She asked if I wanted it off and then just gave it to me...WHAT??!? I couldn't believe it. I feel truly blessed!  I was planning on flying to Montana and driving down with Sarah but due to unforeseen circumstances The trip has been canceled.  However, mom is flying up next month (July) to see Sarah and the girls!

Tomorrow Eugene is taking Amanda out bike riding. more power to them. I'm just going to sleep in :)

Goodnight!!

So this is Wife

Okay, everything I said about having a baby, I take back. The last couple of weeks have been a huge wake up call.  I feel like I've been tested in every way, shape, and form.  There is no way that I can have a child, be in school, work a fulltime job, AND be a good wife. NO. FRIGGIN. WAY.
   I'm glad that I'm finally continuing my education, I'm stoked to have a job that I love, and I know that there is no one in this world that I would rather be in love with (which is scary because sometimes I think I could smother him with the damn pillow he sleeps with).  I'm happy I really am, but holy crap I am exhausted.  I feel like I never stop moving!!! The fact that I have 15 minutes to blog is crazy to me and in reality I have a butt ton of other things I could be doing (folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, studying for my bio midterm, fixing the nail polish on my toenails, finalizing our monthly budget for this year, rearranging the bedroom like I've wanted to for 8 months, cleaning the bathroom, studying for my math exam tomorrow, I mean really...).  One area that I would particularly like to focus on is my marriage.  I sincerely try to be a good wife.  I don't notice other men's looks, I try my hardest to keep a clean house, I definitely give this man enough sex, I constantly boost his ego with compliments, all while working 32 hours per week and taking a full course load at school two counties away.  I'm sincerely trying.  Failure is not an option therefore divorce is not an option (not that I've reached that point, by any means).  It's just that; these days with everything else I have going on I feel like no matter what I do, it's not enough to make both of us happy.  I know he's trying too, but sometimes it feels like he doesn't see how hard I'm working at this.  We're arguing a lot and that gets you no where, it just makes me even more exhausted and that makes me even more irritable .  How can you be so in love and so ready to run away all at the same time?  As much as I hate to admit it this is a question I've asked myself a hundred times this week already.  I babysat for my associate pastor and his wife yesterday.  They have 2 young children and a baby.  I think I did pretty well but I didn't get any homework done because I was so afraid that something would happen with one of the kids and I wouldn't have been paying attention. That being said, I looked away for 15 seconds and their daughter(4 years old) apparently fell off of something in the back yard and scraped the underside of her arm and her little pink cast(from breaking her finger a couple of days ago) fell off.  I could have died! all I could think was, "how am I going to explain this?!? they're going to think I was ignoring her or neglecting her!" .  They were pretty awesome about the whole thing though and understood that stuff happens.  I guess that comes with being a parent, I don't know. What I do know is, I'm not ready to be a parent.  I love kids but I have enough responsibility right now. I know I'll thank myself when I'm done with school, so until then I'm perfectly happy raising my 28 year old and taking care of just the 2 of us.  Being a wife is much more of a responsibility than I thought it was before I met Eugene,  it REQUIRES work.  Some of the arguments he and I have been in would have ended a relationship if we had just been dating whereas with marriage (and divorce not being an option, as for mentioned) there is no breaking up over what really is something petty that just blew up.  I think that's one of the major points of getting married, finding the person that no matter how bad, in the moment, you want to break up...you know that in a few minutes, or hours, or (yes, sometimes) days you'll be crazy about again and you never want the option of simply walking away.  I know that no one could ever love me the way my husband does.  He genuinely takes care of me.  He busts his butt to pay bills and provide extra money so that we can do things like going out to eat or going to the movies and is also in school part time.  He'll be the first one to jump up to make me a cup of coffee and he knows exactly how I take it.  He's the best thing that I've found in my little life and I wouldn't give him up for anything...I just might lock him in the closet one day though ;)

God's sense of humor

I hate to think of myself as the jealous type.  I usually convert what most people would store as jealousy into happiness for another person.  I do this so well in fact that jealousy, for the most part, is so far from mind that it's not even something I consider other people having.  Now, I'm not bragging (let's be clear on that), I simply have a tendency of turning negative into  positive. I'm a problem solver, if you will.  Now, jealousy has been an issue for me when it comes to romantic relationships, but that's another story in itself.  Even in that department I've pretty much outgrown the jealousy stage.  Maybe it's because I've become older, wiser, more mature or maybe I've simply grown apathetic towards my significant other's interests in the opposite sex.  No that's not it... Is it that I trust him fully?  Probably not, I'm not very trusting (that's for a different blog, though).  I think that this is where my problem solving skills come into play.  Maybe, due to them, I feel as though it does not matter if my significant other "flirts" a little or if I catch him noticing another woman, because I know that if he ever acted on any impending urges I would simply leave.  Not to say that I wouldn't be broken hearted, It's just that I'm kind of a realist.  I know that no matter how much it would hurt I could walk away with my head high and EVENTUALLY move on.  Problem Solved!  

All of the above being stated, today for the first time in a long time, I found myself becoming jealous.
I know we've been over the baby thing 101 times already so, let me make what I'm about to say clearer as to not confuse any of my friends that may read this.  I am very happy for those of my FRIENDS that have children. They are all excellent mothers and fathers and it brings me great joy to know that their children, whom I love abundantly, are being brought up by people that I feel will help them to become exceptionally grounded, caring, fruitful members of society.  However, when some one that I know has no business bringing children into the world, is currently at the hospital giving birth...I get a little frustrated.
It's not my place to judge, I know this, but really God? I mean really??  Then again, it's not my place to ask God, "why?" either.  As a Christian I am suppose to be loving and accepting, I'm suppose to put aside jealousy and  partiality.  People are suppose to know I'm a Christian because I am just so darn loving that they can see God's works through me but, GOLLY!  How long do I keep my top sealed before it blows.

I can't even adapt to the society that this nation is accepting now.  We rejoice when some 26 year old girl has a baby with her 56 year old unemployed, man-child boyfriend that lives with his mom because he can't afford to pay rent elsewhere.  I mean really?  Not to mention she is unemployed and living with his mother as well, but post on Facebook that you're having a baby and everyone and their mother is all, "Yay for you" and "I'm so happy for you guys, let me know if you need anything!!". "need anything"? Yeah how about they need a do over in life! How about that?!?!?!  I'm pathetic, as I'm writing this I'm thinking, "too harsh, Ella!! back down, girl!"  because my audience of 3 people that I already open up like this to is definitely going to change the way they look at me because of a blog....right.

The reason I don't like jealousy is because it's ugly.  Who wants to be ugly?  So, if something is so easily avoidable that it's as simple as changing the words that exit your lips (or finger tips) until you start to believe them as well, than why aren't we all kinder, and less jealous?  We like to solve our problems in the simplest manner and being nasty to one another resolves that pent up jealousy a lot easier than converting it over to a different emotion.   Tonight however, I'm taking the easy road out and having a pity party.  I'm asking all of the old questions, "why them and not me?" "What have I done to deserve this?" "How can God give them the blessing I've been praying for when they are so evil?"...I'm at my ugliest tonight, people! Beware!

I don't love you, but I always will...

"You only know what I want you to, I know everything you don't want me to. Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine, you think your dreams are the same as mine..."



Watching the movie, 'Something Borrowed' always gives me conflicting feelings.


I'm officially exhausted by juggling school and work.  So exhausted in fact that I do not feel like typing...night night